As a female leader in a male-dominated industry, and as an introvert in an extrovert-dominated world, Jennifer Marcou found that her natural style of working, and her gender, was not well represented in her peer group, and definitely not in the ranks above hers.
She was faced with challenge of putting on a mask and leading inauthentically, or learning how to lead in a way that was authentic to her own style, to, as she says, how her brain works.
This True Snacks clip is with Jennifer Marcou and she shares with us how she recognized how to work with and how to lead with her introversion, and how she now coaches other leaders to work with their natural styles and use those styles as an advantage, not something to cover over.
In this episode, Jennifer answers the following questions:
- What is like to be an introvert? And what is like to be an introverted leader?
- What is the difference between introverts and extroverts?
- How to use the introverted behavior as a strength?
- What it's like to be an introvert in an extrovert world?
- How to Lead with Quiet Confidence?
Music in this episode created by Ian Kastner.
“True Snacks” is a series of excerpts from the "What Do You Know To Be True?" podcast. The purpose behind this series to share some of the key learning moments from the podcast.
"What Do You Know To Be True?" is a series of conversations where I speak with interesting people about their special talent or superhero power and the meaningful impact it has on others. The intention is to learn more about their experience with their superhero power, so that we can learn something about the special talent in each of us which allows us to connect more deeply with our purpose.
For more info, visit the What Do You Know To Be True? podcast site.
"What Do You Know To Be True?" is hosted by Roger Kastner, is a production of Three Blue Pens, and is recorded on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Suquamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the indigenous people whose land you may be on, go to: https://native-land.ca/
[00:00:00] What Does It Feel Like When You're able to help an introvert,
[00:00:07] um, realize that introversion is a strength and take on the behaviors that, um, amplify that strength.
[00:00:15] What does it feel like for you?
[00:00:17] It is amazing.
[00:00:20] Um, and it's interesting the way you even ask that question.
[00:00:25] We may start with introversion, but as soon as people get over, oh, that's how my brain works.
[00:00:32] The actual language of introversion goes away and what we're looking for is finding your true leadership.
[00:00:39] So like any coaching anyone, it's finding what's true for you.
[00:00:44] And how do you pursue that?
[00:00:46] And so watching someone kind of accept themselves or who they are in their preferences to then finding that internal confidence,
[00:00:54] to then taking action and recognizing, oh, I am in an extroverted world.
[00:00:59] So I do need to change my behaviors.
[00:01:02] Um, and so but it's not changing who I am.
[00:01:06] So it's about, you know, modifying what you do.
[00:01:09] I'll give you an example when I first started working.
[00:01:12] Um, I was considered the ice queen because I didn't smile.
[00:01:17] I didn't say hello to people.
[00:01:19] I am so not the ice queen.
[00:01:22] And it was just because I was quiet.
[00:01:25] And so on my development plan, I said I'm going to say hi to five people every morning.
[00:01:30] And so of course, you know what's the magic of five?
[00:01:33] I don't know. It was just a number.
[00:01:35] But it was hard.
[00:01:36] I forgot to say hi.
[00:01:37] Hi.
[00:01:38] I didn't have to talk to him.
[00:01:39] I just had to say hello.
[00:01:40] And then of course it got easy.
[00:01:42] Oh, it's pretty easy to say hello to five people.
[00:01:45] And then all of a sudden people saw me as more warm and approachable.
[00:01:49] Did I change who I was?
[00:01:50] Absolutely not.
[00:01:51] But I actually became more of who I am by doing a slight behavior change.
[00:01:56] And so when I see that in a client and they realize,
[00:01:59] oh, it wasn't so hard to speak up in a meeting.
[00:02:01] Doesn't mean you have to speak up and say here's the most earth shattering,
[00:02:05] you know, idea and we're going to change your strategy because of this.
[00:02:08] It could be as simple as asking a question or saying,
[00:02:12] okay, so what are our next steps?
[00:02:14] That is all about speaking up and adding value with your voice.
[00:02:18] So it is incredibly rewarding for me to see my clients in their own way,
[00:02:23] not in the Jennifer way, in their own way,
[00:02:26] find the path that will make them successful.
[00:02:29] And then when they, when I see the joy of, hey,
[00:02:32] it wasn't so hard.
[00:02:34] And the learning along the way because there obviously a lot of stumbles
[00:02:38] along the way, but the learning to realize, oh,
[00:02:41] they would have never gotten there unless they figured out what worked for them.
[00:02:45] And so what's so rewarding is for them to get there sooner than I got there.
[00:02:50] So what do you know to be true about leading with quiet confidence?
[00:02:55] That the world needs introverts and introverted leaders.
[00:03:00] And that a quiet leader can be successful.
[00:03:04] Absolutely can be successful.
[00:03:07] I know if you are true to yourself and you're open to different approaches
[00:03:14] and different ways to do things as long as you are true to yourself
[00:03:19] and what you want to do that you can be successful.
[00:03:22] What did you believe to be true early on about introversion
[00:03:27] that you've now learned is not true?
[00:03:31] It is funny when we started talking about this question of superhero power,
[00:03:36] and I came to this conclusion, wow, actually my superhero power is lead with quiet confidence.
[00:03:43] Which first of all feels so weird to even call that a superhero power because I started out as I mentioned,
[00:03:50] started out my career saying, oh, being quiet is bad.
[00:03:54] I have to speak up more.
[00:03:56] I have to be something different than I am.
[00:03:59] So to finally come to this conclusion that wow, there is a superpower here.
[00:04:06] It is pretty interesting where I took what I thought was a weakness and turned that into a superpower.
[00:04:14] I think the point that made me realize this was I was in a diversity training
[00:04:20] and there was a role play going on and there was a woman, a quiet woman who
[00:04:27] there was a role play of a decision being made, there were five or six people in the room
[00:04:32] and we're an audience of about 100.
[00:04:34] And the woman said an idea and no one paid attention and a couple minutes later
[00:04:41] a man says oh, the same idea but no one recognizes that the woman had said it
[00:04:47] and the facilitator kind of pauses a role play and walks around the audience
[00:04:52] and I'm here with my leadership team who are mostly white males
[00:04:57] and there were a handful of females in the audience.
[00:05:01] And she walks around the room and happens to stand right in front of me and says it's about this point
[00:05:06] that someone in the audience starts to cry.
[00:05:09] There I was, and I started to cry and I realized wow, that was me so many years ago
[00:05:17] and I said that happened to me.
[00:05:19] And it was also a realization wow, look how far I have come
[00:05:24] and that was when I realized wow, I've learned something, I'm still who I am
[00:05:30] but I don't have as many of those situations as I used to.
[00:05:34] What have I done? It was a reflective reflection.
[00:05:37] What have I done to be different?
[00:05:41] And then that all came together when I decided to start coaching
[00:05:44] and I think connecting to introverted women to say how can I expedite their learning about themselves
[00:05:51] and how to get that inner confidence sooner than it took me.
[00:05:56] So Jennifer, what's the impact that your superhero power has on others?
[00:06:02] So obviously in my coaching business, I focus on introverted women and have the impact there.
[00:06:10] But a story I have from Microsoft is for my 50th birthday, I got a strip of blue hair
[00:06:18] about this color blue and it was something I always wanted since I was a teenager.
[00:06:24] And I realized just as I got older like I just want to do this and that is something that's important to me.
[00:06:32] So of course my first day I was so nervous, walked in and meeting with this senior leader
[00:06:37] and he looks up at me and says, oh you have different hair.
[00:06:40] I was like, oh I was so nervous and he totally accepted.
[00:06:45] He was fine. In fact, I ended up presenting to our CEO with my blue hair and no one peaked.
[00:06:52] And I remember someone sent me a note, someone couple levels below me and said wow if you can show up as your true self here at this company, then I can too.
[00:07:05] So thank you for inspiring me and I realized wow I did the blue hair for me.
[00:07:10] But what an impact it can have on others.
[00:07:14] So it really made me think as I went into my coaching business and coaching introverts, how else can I have broader impact on others?