How to rewrite your story | Corinna Calhoun |True Snack

True Snack - Corinna Calhoun - 4 Steps to a New Story

Corinna: I had to understand and fine tune my own Mechanism for this before I could explain it to anybody else, right? It's like being really good at math. If I can't tell you how I solved the math problem, it doesn't really help you very much at all. It's been a lot of work done on inner narratives, how to rewrite them, what that process looks like.

But I kind of cribbed down my own and I've done this for multiple narratives, not just the one that I had about work and worth. So the process is this first, I write down whatever the story is in as much detail. And it's great if you can catastrophize this, like, oh, I'm completely worthless. If I'm not blah, blah, blah, you know, just, but in as much detail as possible, sort of remembering internal conversations I've had with myself.

Right? And then the 2nd process is, um, data collection. So, I write down all the reasons that story is not true. So where's all the evidence that I can find. That, you know, statement a statement B statement C is an inaccurate and then the fun part starts, which is then I write down what's the new narrative.

So, for me, and in my own personal case, I wrote a story around. My worth as a coach employee, mother, you know, wife, et cetera, friend. Is tied to being of service to other people. Right was much more expansive narrative. There was a lot of different ways to be of service to other people. And then the 4th stage is I started and I go back to this on the regular, um, collecting data that proves that the new story is true.

Right here's the evidence. Oh, I feel more connected. I'm closer contact with relatives. I hadn't spoken to in a while. I feel more impact in my coaching work and so on. So so once I was able to sort of break it down like that. To pretty manageable chunks, um, I started using this in my coaching work with, with my clients in particular.

So, um, I've got a couple of clients who are female entrepreneurs and I don't want to make any. You know, sort of broad statements, but that's a, it could be a tough. Kind of work environment to be in and, and I noticed a lot of negative, well, that's not going to work, or I'm not going to be able to do X, or that person isn't going to buy into my, my concept, et cetera.

And so catching it, and, you know, in a coaching situation saying, tell me more about the story. I'm hearing you tell yourself. Like, what's that about? And, um, why is that true? Is that true? You know, what would you do if that were not true? Questions like those help just sort of lift the veil, right? So you've got deeper awareness of the story that you're telling yourself.

And then I can say, hey, What do you think about crafting a new narrative to replace that one? Would you like to work on that? Is that something that's interesting to you? It's not for everybody. You know, I will say that Meaning, you know, there's an edge of woo woo to some of this that that can come up Especially with very rational minded people Well, what if I do have evidence that the other story is true?

Like what if, what if I am right? You know, there's a whole other fascinating conversation about resistance and why we resist things. Um, but for those people who are genuinely curious about the impact of language, especially internal language on our lived experiences and, um, curious enough to want to take action.

Um, I've seen some pretty powerful results come about as a result of, of folks working very, um, intently on shifting their internal talk track.

Roger: Okay, there's a couple of things that I would like to pull the thread on one, this idea of, of people that are, that have evidence that proves that their story is true.

Um, what do you do, what do you do for them?

Corinna: How's that story working for you? It's just, it's as simple as that, right? You know, it's, uh, I was talking to a client the other day about, you know, there's that saying in psychology about relationships that you can be right. Or you can be in a relationship. Well, you can be right, or you can be in a loving relationship with yourself.

And and telling yourself, you know, affirming narratives that are more likely to engender positive behavior. Right? So it's not about, like. Completely making up farcical notions of of who we are, right? I'm not going to sit down and be like, I'm going to write a narrative about how I'm a neurosurgeon and I can go do brain surgery because yeah, why not?

But if there's a story that I've created that is limiting. My ability to be present, to be empathetic, to be curious, to be. To enter into things with sort of an open heart. It behooves me to work on that narrative, right? It's only going to make me a better person. If I believe that I can change. And it's, it's, it's true scientifically, right?

Neuroplasticity we're constantly creating neural pathways in our minds. Um, and it's really about which ones you choose to create. It's like, uh, I use, I tell people, I always think of like a greyhound on a track, right? The more that greyhound runs around the track, the deeper the grooves get. So you can do that with a story about not being good enough.

Right or a story about I'm never the person who fill in the blank. Or you can, you know, direct your greyhound to a different track. Right? And it's difficult at 1st because they're, it's a custom to running in the track. It's been in but, uh. you will fire up new neural pathways that become the new default narrative with training and patients over time.

Roger: Imagine there's, there's an element of confirmation bias here that people are looking for the data that supports the stories that they are telling themselves. And so there's, there could be a little bit of that, that, uh, vicious cycle where they have some evidence, they tell themselves a story, they go find more evidence, um, where.

You know, on one hand, you know, showing them evidence that might be a little different or having them look for the, the opposite.

Corinna: Yes.

Roger: Um, and then, uh, I, I love the way you put it. Like, okay, how was that story working for you? If you want to change it, you need to do differently, um, do better to be better type thing.

Corinna: For sure. And I love that you bring up the confirmation bias. Cause it's so. It's so wired into our human behavior. We are not aware of it, but what we look for is what we find. And if our brain is looking for evidence that. We're a crap friend, or, you know, we can't. Contribute in the way that we, we've always wanted to, or whatever it is, then our brains without any further direction whatsoever, it's just going to go look for that data in the background.

Right? So that step of writing the new narrative and then. Choosing to go look for confirming data that the new one is accurate. It's just, it's like, it's just a neurological hack. You're just hacking your brain to go pay attention to something different than what it has become accustomed to paying attention to.