Exploring the Space Between Polar Opposites | Polarity Integration | Awareness with Asli Aker

Transcript  - Awareness with Asli Aker

Asli: So my journey to the true awareness cycle of who am I, what really matters, so that I can increase my capacity because with the previous high accomplishment situation. You know, I burnt out multiple times and it was glorious as far as other people were concerned. Right. Um, but that fulfillment piece, because success, what is success, right?

If I'm fulfilled, I will have accomplished. And fulfillment is that it is not this. And sometimes success get us to be in this place of defensiveness. So I don't know if this explains, um, how this came to be, but I, I just kind of lived into it. And it was through awareness that I became aware that this was the way to be.

Roger: I don't know. You might be able to say you were born into it.

Asli: Hmm.

Roger: I mean, you were, you were born into like what I think most people think as polar opposites, death and birth.

Asli: So that is the yin and yang I realized in my story. Even my existence was a yin and yang. It was birth and death at the same time. And um, so like, was it a happy event? It was. And it wasn't only happy for what it represented. It was also serving a purpose. Right. So it's, it's that like, you know, so for that reason, I'm very committed to get to the purity of things.

Right. Okay. So what, what is it? What is the bottom line here? And what is the truth here? What is the truth?

Roger: Hi, I'm Roger Kastner and welcome to the, what do you know to be true podcast. In these conversations, I talk with ordinary people about their extraordinary skill, their superhero power. And the meaningful impact it has on others. The goal is not to try to emulate or hack our way to a new talent. Instead, the intention is to learn more about their experiences with their superhero power, so that maybe we can learn something more about the special talent in each of us and about our path to purpose that we're on.

This conversation is with Asli Aker and her superhero power is awareness. Asli is a master at being aware of. And identifying the integrative space between two seemingly opposite things. Some refer to this as polarity management, but that sounds like a technique for Asla, it's a way of life, a way of being in her consulting and coaching practice.

Asli gracefully moves in the spaces between opposites to help her clients find the integration space. That's right for them. And it even shows up in how she talks about awareness. She eloquently weaves the warp and wolf of polarities into the tapestry of integration, a space that feels holistic, safe, and true.

And in this conversation, you will find out that she was born into her superhero power. If you're ready, let's dive in. Good morning,

Asli. It's nice to see you.

Asli: Good morning. Good morning.

Roger: So I'm super excited for you to be here, and I'm super excited to hear Your, your thoughts around your superhero power of awareness, but before we go, get, go down that path, tell us a little bit about you.

Asli: What an honor. Thank you, Roger. Um, funny enough, you know, Asli in its original version, my name means authentic and genuine.

So it is an honor to live up to it every now and then.

Roger: And you do,

Asli: I'm an executive coach and a leadership development. Facilitator and consultant and it has been my life for the past, you know, 2025 years in a professional way. And I'm an eternally curious mind, as you know, who loves to learn and seek.

And, um, I, I, I love, you know, knowing about people, learning about people, how brain works, how, you know, All of that. So, but you know, for professionally, most of my time is coaching executives and leaders and helping them become a better version of themselves. And. Increase capacity and accomplish more.

Roger: What I know to be true about you is that in the same moment, um, you could be, you know, seeking wisdom and sharing wisdom.

You could be nervous about something. And yet have a level of calmness at the same time. And you could be sharing something, you know, sharing some of the hard stuff that life brings us. And at that same time, you know, have a sense of like wonderment of what's going to happen next. And some people might think of these things as polarities, but you bring the sense of integration and wholeness in those moments.

And this is what I witness. And so when you shared with me, your superhero power is awareness. It made total sense that you could be aware of these two things at the same time and focus on how do you bring those together rather than thinking of them as opposite ends of a spectrum.

Asli: It has been true for me for as long as I can remember, and I think life kind of brought it that way as well, but it has been a way of being, you know, I don't fight these things.

Right. You know, when two seemingly opposite things come and land on my lap, I can at the same time see merits in both and dangers in both. Right. So, um, and then in order to function in life, it is of course important to then, okay, what do I do with this? So. The way to move forward is integration, and, um, so it becomes about risk management as well as, you know, okay, what are, what are we trying to achieve?

So I think at the end of the day, it's always purpose, right? Okay, when two things land and everybody's fighting over it, or I'm having a conflicting emotion about these things, Then at the end of the day, the way forward is, okay, what, what, what are we trying to do? What is the purpose to get me through this and into the future?

And I will then lock eyes on that and then manage the rest. And that requires the awareness, I think, that I came to realize.

Roger: So you were born and raised, uh, in Turkey when, and you know, what, what I know, which, you know, California public school education. So you're going to have to forgive me. There's not a lot I know about Turkey, but what I know to be Turkey is that it's, you know, on, it's almost like tectonic plates between literally between Europe and Asia between, you know, two religions between, you know, really, you know, it's, You know, Constantinople, or however the song goes.

I mean, there's, there's almost polarities, yet, talk a little bit about, you were sharing this earlier, and I thought it was just so lovely about, you know, how, when the country is working well together, versus when it's having its challenges.

Asli: Yeah. I've been thinking about. the land itself, right? It has been home for so many civilizations and there has been birth there and there has been fight there.

So I think that is, that is also in the character of the land, right? You know, it's, it's seen a lot of wars and a lot of births for a lot of like, you know, wonders in life. And then, you know, having the nation that is there now, it is still It's such a rich backdrop of nationalities, ethnicities, um, religions.

It is, it is a, it's a melting pot, as you said. And when you think about the history of the country, the greatest it becomes is when we embrace it all, right? And whenever we go down, it is when one side tries to win over the other. Whatever that site may be, right? So it is, um, and, and it becomes very obvious.

And then again, each time I, that's interesting because I'm thinking about this for the first time, there was a uniting force in that country as well. Who was the founder, right? Whenever like, you know, so much polarization happens that everybody locks around the founder, right? So that is the integrating.

Um, and it doesn't matter like, you know, what ethnicity, what religion, what background you come from when it is existence. We all find a common ground and then we come together. So it's, I think that is why I always thought about it is natural to be so different from each other. And it's as natural to, it's not even natural, it's good, right?

It is good. There is spice in that. There is, you know, there, there is a lot of like, you know, we fight, but at the end of the day we unite and we move on. And when it doesn't happen is when things start going sideways.

Roger: I'm seeing the connection between as you talk about. Turkey and you talked about yourself and your superhero power.

Where there's these seemingly polar, polar opposites and yet you bring them together and it's that there are moments of fight But then there's realization that it's it's the fight that's not Helping that it's there's not there's there's not the value in the fight. It's the value in Bringing things together and having that common unifier to bring the things together.

And it just makes me think about the polarization that we're experiencing here in the United States right now. Um, and You know, what, what is it, is it the similarities is, is the common bat bonds, um, is it the founder, like what, what's going to bring us together, what's going to get us to a place where we recognize the similarities versus amplifying.

That those things that we're perceiving to be opposites,

Asli: you know, here, I United States is my chosen land, right? You know, I became a citizen. I moved here. I am raising my child here. So, you know, I, I, I am watching everything within 10, right? And it, it, it feels very personal to me. And I come from a place that experienced polarity and, and, and, and it, So how it hurt as well when it wasn't managed well and when it was like in a pick aside, right?

So that never helped. Um, so watching here as well. I think the foundation again, foundation of this country is so solid and there are principles. It's one of the most principled, you know, countries in the world. It was founded based on principles, right? So, and when you hear about it, people are fighting to kind of protect the principles in the way that they think is the best way to do.

Um, so then, you know, the fight becomes about the surface level things. And unless we realize, Ooh, we both want the same thing, but how it manifests itself is different for me and different for you. And I am just seeing it from my perspective. And I am just like, you know, judging you for the things that, you know, again, on the surface, I think are dangerous.

or some stuff that I think is going to cost me things. So it's all about fear, right? You know, when I think about life right now and where the world is coming, I've been thinking this for a while. Um, it is no longer the nations and the race and gender and like all of the, Things that we've been fighting about and defending for a while, but it is coming down to, you know, are you giving in to fear or are you going to, you know, stand for unity and humanity and principles and values that can bring us together, right?

You know, are you inspired or are you fearful? There is destruction and fear. And that's part of that whole self awareness as well, right? You know, am I letting myself be distracted and stressed and, like, get hooked into things? Or can I be grounded and be inspired and I can inspire others around me as well?

That's when I feel, when I look at U. S. as well, it inspired me to come here. Right. So like, and what can we do for that magnetism? And I mean, if you think about the country, it's all about magnetism, right? It was attracting people to come to it. What is that magnet? What is it?

Roger: So one of the things that we as humans have in common is that system of looking for fear, and often that's the thing that picks out those surface layer differences.

Could we use fear as a way of uniting us all together? And I like not for a negative, but for a positive, I don't know the answer, but I'm, I'm curious to see what you would think about that.

Asli: So yes, and, um, how sustainable will it be, right? If we make fear as the core principle of coming together, then fear will tear us apart as well.

Right. Like if we're defaulting to fear and it is the one thing. That has the most voice Then you won't know where it will go because it is hitting a very very. Um, Primitive part of us right and I am like, you know sitting here thinking like can we just evolve a little faster, right? You know, we've been doing this fight flight freeze thing for a while now

Roger: A few million years.

Asli: Yeah And thankful for the ancestors like, you know, good job. We're all there And, and, you know, can, again, it's that polarity, right? It's yes, and can we keep that so that we can be secure if a traffic, if in traffic a car is coming towards me too fast, yeah, I'm not going to sit there and think about how to unite with that car, right?

You know, I'm going to get out of the way. Grace. But I think we internalized it enough that we can feel confident that we have it. Right. Our instincts are there. And then now, you know, it is like, and if you think about Maslowian hierarchy as well, can we start climbing and making some part of our DNA stronger so that the future generations are not getting into fear or leading by fear?

Because I mean, I studied politics and decided not to stay in politics for that reason, because it's run by fear. And it would take us. And each time you see a nation go someplace, it is by inspiration, right? Or fear we come close together to fight. But to create you need that inspiration and you need that principles

Roger: Yeah, I At first I thought this might be a throwaway question about fear as a uniter because we see how fear works as a uniter every day um, and yet Yeah, I love the point you made about it not being sustainable, and it makes me think about, um, uh, an idea that Bill Hefferman, um, shared with us around the, you know, evolutionary advantages of joy.

And that joy is the place where we are creative and innovative, where we solve problems and where we flourish. And so, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't really, I didn't have strong conviction on this idea about using fear to bring us together. But I love how you, you, you turn that to it being a short term.

Uniter, but ultimately very toxic, um, which we know in our systems that, that works the same way. If our, if our amygdala is firing off too much, it's sending out those, those chemicals that are really toxic for us, but then we need to, you know, we need to counterbalance that with the dopamine, with those things that, you know, we feel when we feel joy.

Asli: And joy is one of my top three values. Um, and in order to have joy, you know, I would need to manage a lot of risks, but where is that coming from? Right? Like, to what end? It is for joy. And, um, in order to feel that I'm committed, right? To stay within my capabilities, my abilities. My capacity and when fear is involved, I mean, we all know our capacity is not fulfilled, right?

You know, I mean the buzzword around like, you know, realize your potential and the whole potential thing Yes and the way that we're trying to get to a potential is with that grinding and by giving into fear and thinking that's how We're going to get to potential Potential is like that. I mean, I'm going to use hands, you know, potential is this.

And when I look at leaders as well, and I, and I ask them, they try to make a decision and it is about like, you know, um, and we're going through very hard times in the world right now in business world is like, you know, having to make a lot of tough decisions and, you know, in the midst of that as well, it is, um, safety.

Safety keeps on coming and that's what we're talking about now as well. You know, there's, that's one of the needs, like, you know, safety keeps on coming. And whenever, you know, a leader is making a decision for safety, I ask, are you feeling this, like I need to protect and be safe, or are you feeling the best?

Like, you know, this is for the safety. This is for the future. I am managing the risks. To get us to that safe space and you know, more often than not, it is like this and they realize, Ooh, you know, I can get to the same outcome by being different about this. And that comes down to awareness again.

Roger: So I will often joke about using interpretive dance as a way of like sort of expressing oneself, but I, you were physically showing like when, when you're acting out of fear, it's a contraction yet when you're coming from a position of abundance or joy.

Yeah, it is. It's wholehearted. Um, I love that. And so maybe I will get to do interpretive dance in front of a client sometime soon that would We'll see how that I'll let you know how that goes over

Asli: you see my hat here as well It's warm, right if I get nervous like that warmth brings me back to my body So that is like that is our body is part of the whole like you can't feel afraid when you do this We can't comprehend that we're in danger.

It's not natural, right? So what I like, you know, that, that, that's some of those things like, you know, yes, I'm aware I'm afraid, do I need to give into that? So like, you know, coming here, I'm talking to Roger. Um, it is going to be really exciting for me. And at the same time, I need my comfort with me, like, you know, a little more like, you know, just in case like, but awareness of your needs.

Roger: And then when we're getting right back to your superhero power. Of awareness and I love, you know, that the warm coffee cup being that's, you know, quote unquote security blanket, um, of like, what do we, what do I need to show up? What do I need to show up like this? What are who inspired you to your superhero power of awareness?

Asli: So I'm no exception, right? Fight, flight, freeze, ancestral gifts. I am born that way as well. And I had like many of us, I had that, um, success orientation, achievement orientation in me as well, right? That you. called me a seeker, I was seeker of the accomplishment as well. Like, you know, there are, and I would always say things to do places to be right, you know, goals to achieve.

And, um, and I was super clear and I, I always thought awareness was really, really important. And that awareness for me was about the clarity around my goals, my principles, like, you know, the values and what I need to accomplish. And then are my, you know, Is my path clear to get there? Like, you know, what are we doing?

Like that clarity. And I would be committed about that. My mission would be super clear and I would like, you know, I would be on the goal and I thought I was very self aware and I was. As far as those principles and like, you know, those parameters go, I mean, I, I was aware it took me, I don't know if this was, this is what you're asking, but it was a, it was a training class, um, years ago now where we were going through an exercise.

And I always said, know thyself from Shakespeare, like, you know, it was for me, it's like a Shakespearean way for existence, right? You know, know thyself. It's important. So you will, you will, you will fulfill your destiny. When you know yourself, you will, all of those things. And in this classroom, we were going to do that exercise where you think about your life and origin story.

And you You then pick five defining moments that make you the leader that you are today. And then, you know, you have that line, and then some things are above the line because they are positive, perceived positive, and then some of them are below the line because they were the challenges. And the first thing was for us to put every significant thing in our life on that journey.

And then each time I tried to select is, does it go up or does it go down? I was like, Oh, it's both end. There was a yin to it and there's a yang to it. Right. Oh my goodness. You know, this was the best of times. This was the worst of times. It was just going up and down. So that was something that I realized.

Ooh. Holding both things to be true kind of was a life lesson for me that I learned. And at the same time, here's where the light bulb went. Somebody asked, when we're picking our defining moments, where do we start? Like childhood or adult, like where do we start? And the facilitator said, if your birth is significant, go there.

And then suddenly, I realized. What I said to myself internally, I said, of course my birth is significant. I saved a life. And I, you know how those moments, you suddenly realize what you said and you're like, you know, what, what, what, what was this about? And I realized, like, I'll tell you very quickly the story of my birth.

My father, um, had an older brother whom he loved. He lost his father early, so this older brother was his everything, his hero. And I can't even describe the love and Sort of inspiration and that respect he had for this human being and my my mom was six months pregnant with me when that Incredible human just passed away within hours Freak accident and my father lost the love of his life Let's say and he lost his will to live even right so people thought he would never come back from this They removed my mother because there was too much sorrow and she was pregnant and my father was in a deep depression and then I was born and then I grew up hearing that I saved my father's life.

And my mother would describe the scene that she found him one evening in a room rocking with me back and forth saying, one goes, one arrives, one goes, one arrives, and he poured all his love into me. And growing up. It was always my like, you know, badge of honor. Oh, you know, she's the girl who saved her father's life.

And, um, and then there was a time when I almost passed away because like, that's a long story. But even me coming back from it was your father, couldn't have lived. Right. You know, and again, so my existence always had to matter, but I didn't realize that. Right. So that purpose, That I sold everywhere. Every action of mine needed to have a purpose.

Right? That's like, you know, what is the purpose of here? And when I led teams, I would say to them, like, you know, let's move on people. It's not as if we're saving lives here. Right? Like, I didn't even realize how undermining I was with the accomplishments that we were having. And it never mattered. Like, people always said, Oh, wow, you know, we're so proud of you.

Here is a thing that you accomplished. You went against the impossible. You made the impossible possible. And it wouldn't land. I would be like, Okay. So the realizing that, because that wasn't what I was seeking, right? And I would have become a nurse if I knew this was the most important thing for me. I would have become a, you know, first respondent if I knew this was what was leading me.

So realizing, I was chasing this never ending thing without even realizing whose voice I had in my head. So it is one of those questions that I always ask now, you know, in, in coaching conversations, when they talk to me about their, um, goals out of nowhere, I ask when you're thinking about your goals, whose voice are you hearing?

There is that moment. I mean, many of them have tears because it's not theirs. So my journey to the true awareness cycle of who am I? what really matters so that I can increase my capacity because with the previous high accomplishment situation, you know, I burnt out multiple times and it was glorious as far as other people were concerned.

Right. Um, but that fulfillment piece, because success, what is success, right? If I'm fulfilled, I will have accomplished and fulfillment is That it is not this and sometimes success get us to be in this place of defensiveness. So I don't know if this explains, um, how this came to be, but I, I just kind of lived into it.

And it was through awareness that I became aware that this was the way to be.

Roger: I don't know. You might be able to say you were born into it. I mean, you were, you were born into like what I think most people think as polar opposites, death and birth.

Asli: So that is the yin and yang I realized in my story. Even my existence was a yin and yang.

It was birth and death at the same time. And um, so like, was it a happy event? It was. And it wasn't only happy for what it represented, it was also serving a purpose. Right, so it's, it's that like, you know, so for that reason I'm very committed to get to the purity of things. Right? Okay. So what is it? What is the bottom line here?

And what is the truth here? What is the truth?

Roger: When you want to tap into awareness, is there a framework or a process that you follow, whether it's for yourself or when you're doing this in service of others?

Asli: There are a lot of tools out there. Right. A lot that we could just like, you know, pick from an integrated for the person, like, you know, who, who is on a journey.

And for myself, it came with realizing that I saw intellect in a one dimensional way. It was IQ and mental and mind. And I even joke. I was a walking. Mind right. It was like, you know, all about comprehending and understanding and analyzing and within the journey. I started realizing I don't make decisions based on my mind and the conclusions of the mind.

There was the emotions. And then in many cases, when I look into my life, there was something else that made me move, which is an intuition that comes from the experience and values and whatever else is feeding into us. But that is a purer form of decision maker. So now, you know, I am realizing emotions and thoughts are, you know, interlinked and they get us to act.

And if we want to be intentional about the act, We want to get that ability to connect to that intuition piece and we want to be physically Well as well, right, you know, so it is a multi dimensional Wellness, that is a container for awareness Right. So like my emotional awareness and then the health of my emotions my mental fitness Because that is the hijacking piece, right?

So I, I, I go to that, like, we all talked about the whole positive intelligence piece as well, right? You know, and it helps us to like, you know, come, come back to your body, the five senses. So whenever I am hijacked in the mind, what are things that I can do to come back to my body when I feel nervous and stressed?

And so, yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, there are three principles. That I work with, and then all of these are layered on top of that. So, do we have the agency to press pause, basically? When things are taking a, like, taking a life of their own, and we are being dragged. And in the past, I was quite Proud of it.

Proud of my adaptability. I still am, but I would say, let me see where the wind takes me. And yes, you know, it's great to let the wind take me, but I want to be aware as I am going with the wind, right? I don't want to be sucked into the wind. So I, like just that pause, realizing that, Oh, you know, I am just flying is one thing, but I am being dragged is another thing.

So the minute I realized, Oh, I'm hijacked. Oh, I'm triggered. Oh, life. Life is going on without me in it. There is a pause process that I bring in. Um, so that's what I work with my clients as well, like, you know, take a pause. How are you going to realize, first of all, to realize that, you know, you need to pause.

And there are ways and there are methodologies that I bring for that. And then once you are in that pause, it is so seductive to just jump back out of it. Because nothing changes, right? The fear is there, everything going on is still there. So I am pausing, I'm seeing it, and then there is the seduction of going back to the comfortable, and going back to the grind, and doing the things that I know, like, you know, it got me here, at least, right?

But it's that sustainability piece. It is the fulfillment piece. So yeah, you know, when you pause, then what is the truth? Let's take stock of actually what is going on, all the assumptions that you're making, all the, you know, voices that you're hearing, um, the beliefs that you're holding. So how do you then understand what really is going on so that you can go back in and make some choices that are actually serving you for the moment?

And for the future, right? So it is that again, that tension of now in the future, so that I don't lose my future for saving now. And I don't lose now to like invest in the future. So how do I exist in those both levels and adaptive leadership is a container for me. So how, how can you be an adaptive leader?

And in order to be an adaptive leader, everybody needs to be aware of the mess. That they contribute to the situation right in order. I mean, you are part of it. You're part of you're part of the whole dynamic and it's it's one of those things you're I was talking to a client of mine the other day and he had this whole strategy to go back to their team and talk about like, you know, what needs to be done, even though he didn't feel comfortable.

Yeah. He was not committed about it himself, but his, his speech was brilliant. And I looked at him and I said, are you a good actor? I mean, would you call yourself a good actor? And he said, no. I said, so like you might as well just change, change the strategy here because you are going to take yourself with your talking points into the conversation and people pick up.

We all pick up the undercurrents. Right? So for an adaptive leader to really be inspirational, for really be the magnet, you have to be at a place where people can actually move up to you. You can't go down to the level where the problem is happening, right? We can't work with the problems from the place where the problem is happening.

We need to first get ourselves out of it.

Roger: I love how you are talking about things in contra not in contrast. Of opposites, but in that integrated way of how those opposites seemingly opposite things are in play all the time.

Asli: I, Roger, like there are two frameworks that got me so excited because Yes, I, I, I work with this and then, you know, when, um, a, a, when research goes into it and there's a framework that comes out of it, it's just wonderful, right?

So in Core Resolve, it is a way to, um, help teams debate and help teams make, uh, participative decisions, um, or, you know, if it is like a conflict situation.

There are two principles that we start with. Number one is, at the end of this, Gathering. We want to stay in relation. Right? And the second one is nobody has the monopoly on the truth.

Are we accepting this? The minute you let go that yours is the only truth to be fight for, to be fought for, nobody has the monopoly on the truth. Suddenly, it's like, you know, there are multiple truths in the room. And how do we now make something out of this that serves us all? And it serves a higher purpose for the company, for the group, for whatever we're serving.

You know, in abstract, it is very against human nature. So I can't just walk into a room and expect everybody to see my world of seemingly opposites making perfect sense because I hear music in them. It just, it is counter to a lot of people's, I won't say nature because, I mean, I am human. So it is the way that we're brought up.

It is, it is the culture, it is the education system. I mean, we're, we're thought to, we're always assessed on the truth that we provide, on the fact that we serve, on the answer that we give. And it's typically one. So, I mean, from a very early age, we're like, you know, asked to give the correct answer. So it is so counter.

our education, um, to think, oh, you know, that. Funny you should say that. There are two things that could be true, right? You know, we're not geared towards that.

Roger: A friend just yesterday was telling me, and I was, I was talking about something and she says, you know, when people frame things up as a choice between A and B, the value is looking for option C.

And I wonder if that option C is that space of, of integration. Mm hmm. Of fullness of, you know, in between what, you know, C, C usually comes after B, but it's really the space in between A and B.

Asli: Yeah. It's, you know, the, the simplest, you know, the funniest example is breathing, right? We inhale and we exhale like seemingly opposite things.

But we need both of them and then we call it breath to represent the goodness of both Right because like you can't call people to pick a side Are you going to breathe from now on or like, you know, you can't do that So in order to breathe, are you going to choose exhale or inhale? Like, you know, what is your favorite?

It becomes so silly when we do that, but that is so true for a lot of things in life I have a lot of clients asking me Um, do I think about individual goals or team goals? It's not or. Individual goals and team goals. Do I face externally or internally? It is external and internal. Like there is that kind of a tension.

But you can, like, and it, and it's a, it's a dance, right? It is because people talk about balance and it makes me nervous. Right. Right? Because balance means at all times you have a scale. It's not. There will be circumstances. Like we, like we talked about that we will go in a certain direction to course correct because there are threats, but we know when we're going too much in that direction.

So we come back and we don't go that way because it's a pendulum swing. Pendulum hits you hard on the way back.

Roger: Yeah. What does it feel like when your superhero power has had impact on others?

Asli: Transformation. People do it themselves, obviously, but being a guide and a partner on that journey. Um, it takes courage, right?

So, you know, when people we have so much courage and we we use it in so many ways that ends up burning us. But if we could show courage for things that will actually like, you know, grow us without burning, right? I like that's my mission. I want people to grow without burning without having to burn. Right?

Like, you know, there is capacity in all of us. We're all doing wonders. We are heroes in our own lives. We all are coming from heroes journeys and, and we will all dip, but like, you know, the, the residue of it doesn't have to be. Um, the, the, the, right. You know that we could just, and it's not even a bounce back from it, right.

You know, even if it's, how do you live in a way that is expensive and you do everything that you want to do and you have the capacity for them without having to pay tax, tax being, let the tax be what you need to learn, the courage that you need to show the, the hard work that you need to put in. I'm not told, this is not a passive act.

It is very active and it is very courageous. So, you know, just showing up for that awareness and seeing the truth. And, um, even in the simplest ways, I think I said this to you once before, like when I ask people, are you really committed to feel good? And they look at me like, what kind of a question is that?

And I say, think about this very carefully. Are you committed? To feeling good, because if you're committed, you will have to make different choices. Some of the security blankets, some of our stories that we're hiding behind. And those stories are all justified, right? You know, if I told you my life story, you would sit with me and say, like, you know, they're there.

And there was a period when I needed that. But realizing the awareness that that was holding me back, it was just justification, right? So there was a commitment to say, okay. Now I am choosing to feel good, to come from an expanding place so that I can bring people along with me, so that I can be in people's lives and in teens lives to expand them, to inspire them, to transform them, not from the grind.

But from the potential of that place that we could all go, we all have it inside our back. We're not tapping into the creation.

Roger: I love how you were just describing the regenerative process. Of showing up with your superhero power and creating, or maybe it's not, maybe it's like energy. Like you can't, you can't create or destroy it.

It just flows.

Asli: It exactly is. And it's not in a fluffy way. It's in a very physics way, right? It's, it's, it's in a very physics way. We all have a certain amount of energy and you can use it to generate more or you can keep spending. And at some point it starts burning itself. So it is energy. And when I talk to people as well, and in the teams as well, I try to sense.

What level of energy they have, because if you, if they don't have enough, I can't be talking about creativity or whatever else, right? You know, they first need to come out of that level of scarcity and we don't have it and nothing will work. And I am only seeing problems. And I'm not talking about toxic positivity, right?

This is not about like, you know, Hey, you know, none of that people, I, it only does lip service. It just doesn't move people. That's why I'm talking about transformation. How do you find ways to just crank up what is possible so you have more energy that you can bring more energy around the people, um, that you're surrounded by?

And if you are leading, imagine the power that you can generate in others. It is, it is so powerful. It is that. It is the attitude. What is the attitude that I'm bringing into this?

Roger: So your superhero power of awareness, is it awareness of the polarity of those two seemingly opposite things? Or is it awareness of the energy that you're trying to flow through the situation?

Asli: When you study polarities. It talks a lot about energy. Everything comes with the energy that they carry. When we look at that, we're looking for what can we do to generate a constructive and inspirational and rejuvenating energy from both and avoiding the burning and the destructive force of both, right?

So that is the integration piece. It's all moving, whether you play with it or not. It's it's all alive. It has a motion on its own and and the pendulum swing has a motion. Right. But if you could get into it and see What can we do so that there is constructive energy coming from both and we capitalize on that and then we manage the destructive part of both because we know if we exaggerate something, it will go to destruction.

Roger: I feel like my understanding of polarity and the A and B thinking is just being so accelerated in this conversation. And I really appreciate that because I do think it's a limiting belief and you are showing me exactly why it is. So I really appreciate this conversation. So what do you know to be true about awareness?

Asli: There is capacity. There is fulfillment. There's participation in life, and that's where the real driver's seat is. Right. It's not the control because in the control world, it is your subconscious. So the more aware you are about who you really are and what really is going on, um, the more you can actually drive, participate, generate, transform, grow, and be fulfilled.

Honestly, I chase success for so long and it is great. However, if it is. enclosed with fulfillment, it's a much different success. It actually then is digestible, right? It doesn't sit here. It just like, it just gets digested and it flows and the outcome is incredible. You can achieve a lot. You can achieve a lot.

You can serve a lot. You can help a lot. If you have that true awareness, Put it to test. Put it to test.

Roger: You're reminding me of Annika Harris book Conscious and where she defines consciousness as being aware of one's environment and really the context in which one exists in that environment. And I don't know.

Your definition of what you know to be true, just, just brought that to light to me of to be aware, um, is really living into full consciousness. Of, of one's, not only one's surrounding, but one's place in that surrounding. And the, you know, to be, to be fully aware is to be more alive.

Asli: A hundred percent more alive.

And when you are more alive, imagine what you can accomplish.

Roger: So what have you learned to be not true about awareness?

Asli: It is not about the surface. It is not about the. First couple of questions that we ask and it is not about what we see it is about like and we've been talking about it. It's about being aware of the filter that I have right.

Not what I see. So like acknowledging. Here's what I see. Here's what I hear. Here's what I feel. And then it's almost like, you know, putting a superpower, like glasses then on the filters to see like, and it's a different light that gets you to see what really is going on. Right. Um, and then there you get a sense of what will really serve you, what is really going on, who this person really is, who am I so that now I can create something.

Roger: When I hear you talking about awareness. And regenerative practices. I'm thinking this is how you experience more life.

Asli: A hundred percent. And maybe the one thing that I want people to take away is, um, this is not a natural process that you were born with. Like it is, there are practical ways to build this and be able to do this.

And, you know, I put an effort. To accomplish this at the end, right? You know, I'm, I hope it was obvious that I, I, I shared that I wasn't like that in the past. And, um,

Roger: Do you think it's that we're not born that way? Or do you think that there's a process of like crap being put on us?

Asli: Second one.

Otherwise we wouldn't be able to go back to it.

Roger: Love that. Love that.

Asli: It's purification process almost like, you know, I'm learning purifying, just getting all of that out.

Roger: And your, your origin story of being born and, you know, giving life or one, one was taken away. Just, just so beautiful. And, and it feels authentic for this story coming from you. See what I did there?

Asli: All my life. If you know my story, it's Ian and the egg. Um, so for that reason, it's that, that kind of, uh, like at some point you're like, okay,

Roger: yeah, I mean, if this is the way it is, why fight it?

Asli: And there is a choice that that choice is, do you commit to feeling good?

Roger: Yeah.

Asli: And it's not easy. I did not commit for a very long time.

Roger: So, Asli, are you ready for the lightning round?

Asli: Ready or not, here we go. I am.

Roger: Fill in the blank. Awareness is

Asli: life.

Roger: Who in your life provides awareness for you?

Asli: My dog.

Roger: Love that.

He's not worrying about something that's going to happen next week.

Is there a practice or routine that helps you grow, nurture, or renew your ability to help others with? Awareness.

Asli: I fill my cup for sure. When I show up for others. I am 100 percent full myself. So I have some physical exercises, meditation. I can have some mental exercises that I do that. Prepares me to show up for others fully.

Roger: Is there a book or movie that you recently consumed and would recommend that has awareness as a theme?

Asli: So there are two books then that I will say. Um, one of them is actually written by the founder of my coaching school, IPEC, Bruce Schneider, which is called Energy Leadership. And the other one is, um, Desert Soul.

Written by a software engineer, um, who's then gone into a whole awareness thing.

Roger: What's the one thing that gets in your way of awareness?

Roger: Fear.

Roger: What word or phrase describes what awareness feels like when it's had a positive impact on others?

Speaker 4: Liberation.

Roger: If a listener wanted to ask you a question or follow you, where do you want to point them to?

Asli: Oh, I am on LinkedIn. I have a website. Niche Solutions. com, but LinkedIn, I am there with my name and last name, and it's very easy to find me.

Roger: And i'll put all that in the show notes.

Asli: All right

Roger: Awesome. It's been such a Wonderful conversation. I am fired up. I am like like I feel I I feel like this conversation has been electric and I feel like i'm just And it's not the caffeine.

I actually I i'm kind of like shaking with excitement here because of everything you shared and because of I feel like it's it's had a Transformative Impact on me of, you know, cause I think like most people I find myself in, in, in polarity and conflict. And yet what you have shared with me is this idea of like, no, there's like, what's the energy in both of those things and how do I bring those together?

What's, you know, the, you know, what's behind door C, uh, and not be caught up in, you know, And probably fear of choosing one versus the other, but what's the middle ground? What's the integration between these things? Um, and I, I am really excited to start putting this to practice more than I ever have with a new level of insight.

So I want to thank you for, you know, this has been, um, not, it's been a conversation, but I feel like I've gone through an awareness workshop. I really appreciate all the wisdom and insights you've shared.

Asli: Thank you. And if I may say one thing, please, please, please, when you go through this journey and noticing that you're fearful or something, because you will, and everybody will, I do, do not beat yourself up.

It's natural, right? It's natural to be human. And we can't apologize for that, but we can, we can shift and change. So thank you so much for helping me. show up and have a friendly conversation with you. It's, it's always a pleasure. And, and that's your superpower. You, you bring the authenticity, the authenticity in people.

Yeah.

Roger: You keep giving me more gifts. I'm trying to give you a gift and you're giving me, you're finding the middle ground. Thank you. It's been an absolute pleasure.

Asli: That pleasure is mine. Thank you.

Roger: Okay. Thank you all for watching until the end. Be sure to stay for the outtake segments too. Definitely a few laughs this time. I am in awe of Asli's ability to weave those polarities in the space between them throughout the conversation. Her ability to weave that tapestry of an integrated life full of amazing and regenerative experiences in such a natural and holistic way is truly remarkable.

Reflecting on the conversation, I asked myself, where in my life am I finding myself stuck in a binary challenge between two opposites, instead of looking for the opportunity to find the space. Between them. If you liked this episode, please do me a favor and share the episode with one other person. Thank you.

What do you know to be true is a three blue pens production. And I'm your host, Roger Kastner. We are recording on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Squamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the indigenous people, whose land you may be on, go to https://native-lands.ca

Okay. Be well, my friends.